Real Talk During the Holidays

November 25, 2018 - By Nina Bradley Clarke

This blog post is not exactly easy to write, but I am hoping by putting all this out into the universe, it will help others who might be experiencing similar circumstances and feelings. This “real talk” is what makes us real, authentic and honest. Sometimes, life can be heavy, and that is OK.

The holidays are so much fun and so special, but if you have lost a loved one, there can also be sadness and pain. I think it’s important to acknowledge and recognize that. Here’s the back story for me.

My dad passed away 7 years ago right in the middle of the busy holiday season in 2011. Charlie was 3 years old, and Blaine was only one. Yes, I had my hands full with them! It was so sad and difficult—I was very torn. I wanted to enjoy the holidays with my husband and kids, but I was also grieving. I had an amazing doctor who was also a good friend, who helped me and prescribed Xanax to help me function. (I am now off it, but that’s for another post, and believe me, I am forever grateful for Xanax and there is NO judging.)

When my dad got really sick, it was a challenge. I was going back and forth between home and Yale New Haven Hospital in New Haven to visit him. I couldn’t bring my little kids with me as I didn’t want them to be exposed to anything in the hospital since they were so young. We then made the difficult decision with his doctors’ counsel to move him to the Hospice facility in Branford, CT. He was only there for 10 days before he passed away. I went to visit him there only twice during his short time there. The one thing that always struck me there are the nurses at the hospice. They were like guardian angels. I kept thinking how hard it must be for them to be caring for such sick people during the holidays, knowing these patients would be dying soon. They always impressed me. When times are tough, look for the helpers—that was comforting to me.

My dad had a private room with a beautiful view of Long Island Sound, which was also comforting to know he was in such a peaceful place. The one thing that really helped me survive this challenging time was my wonderful brother and sister-in-law, and of course our mom. We had each other, and we needed each other for support because we understood what we were all going through. We had my dad’s memorial service right in the middle of the crazy holiday time. My takeaway from all of this was the love we felt from so many friends and family. It sure is helpful to focus on all the LOVE that surrounds you. We found it so therapeutic to see how loved our father was by so many, and the love that extended to us too.

If you have lost a loved one and the holidays are painful, please know there is so much love out there. Make sure to find the helpers too. It’s also ok to cry a lot during the holidays—let it out! Acknowledge it, recognize it, that way you can carry on and try to actually enjoy some of the holiday joy that surrounds us this time of the year. Remember, your loved one(s) is/are watching over and guiding you all the time.